Over the Humps

Well, check this off the ol' resolutions list and also shut up Dave. Here's your damn blog post.

This week, there's one story near the end that I admit, unashamedly, had me giggling like a moron for about 5 minutes before we recorded. For pretty much the dumbest, bean-related reasons. I hope you enjoy and always remember:

shoot for the moon.jpg

You know. Eventually. 

This may seem like a copout, but I actually forgot the admin portal address for the site and Squarespace is...uh, well it's a bit of a nightmare (please advertise on our show). As you can hear below, this show was just a whole lot of silliness and you can read along from the articles linked below. Before we get to the damn episode, I want to congratulate Michael and his Trumpian hands for finally tearing an apple in half like a goddamn monster. Also, if you want to see what all the apple fuss is about for yourself, please do yourself a favor and go right to the reddit source: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7s36ub/what_conspiracy_theory_do_you_100_buy_into_and_why/dt1vg6j/

Hat tip to Amanda for bringing the camel pageantry to our attention!

Show Notes
Those sexy humps: https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/01/24/580228837/a-dozen-camels-disqualified-from-saudi-beauty-pageant-over-botox-injections
Dolphin murder party: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2003/jul/03/research.science
Don't trust us, elephants: https://www.unilad.co.uk/featured/elephants-think-humans-are-cute-just-like-we-think-puppies-are/

How deep is your love?

Hey, I'm bad at this but welcome back to anotherTrends in Low Places episode. 42! That's a big one, if you're a nerd. If not, it's just a certified banger of an episode. For the first time, we actually had someone ASK to talk to us, and we couldn't be happier. After we talked (poorly) about Juggalos before their rally in DC, a listener named Josh reached out because it sounded like we had questions about the Juggalo lifestyle. And Josh was right. Big thanks to him for reaching out and putting up with our dumb questions. Take a listen below

 

 

 

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Most importantly, Michael posed a real thorny moral conundrum for me: could you stay with the love of your life if they were also a hell demon harvesting and devouring the souls of young children once a month. It pains me to say that I do not have the same strength of conviction as Meat Loaf, because I'm 100% sure I'd look the other way. There are some really shitty kids out there, you guys.

Until next week (or month, whenever. Get off my back, you're not my boss)! 

Love,
Cush

TILP 36: Hey, it's been a while, huh?

Hey sweet fans, sorry it's been a minute since my last post. I have returned to take a critically important poll: is Michael a dangerous idiot, Y/N? But really, check out the episode and then let us know if you say FAQ the correct way.

TILP 25 - The Bourbon Anniversary

What's that? No, YOU haven't written a blog post in 13 weeks. Don't come into my house and bring that noise at me. Ahem. Anyway, here's a long-promised blog post that will in no way try to recap the 12 episodes of TILP I've missed. Before we dive into our 25th episode (!!!), let's address a few things:

We are very bad at in-person episodes, particularly those recorded in Chicago.

Having now established ourselves in the upper echelon of podcast professionals, it's important to share a critical statistic: 9 out of 10 premier podcasters agree the first step toward a stellar recording is to turn on your microphone. I'd like you to guess that 10th, rogue podcaster. If you guessed Michael, well...you'd be correct, but after all the dumb shit I've said on this show, you really should have guessed me. Thank you, faithful friend.

So, yeah...we beefed it. The audio on this way isn't great (about as good as 80% of other podcasts out there, hey oohhhh), but your two hosts turn in another great performance. Hopefully it won't detract from your earhole experience.

Just a few points from Michael and Curtis' great interview with Daniel Webster-Clark of RompHim (I've you haven't listened yet, get directly after it right here).

  • I deeply regret not knowing Curtis as a child. That man's superhero instincts are very much on-point. And slightly terrifying.
  • Please know that I love Tom Hanks. If he did Sully to fund a Band of Brothers-esque miniseries set in Northern Africa WW2, then I forgive everything. I suspect he just wanted the easiest $15 million of all time. (also, holy shit Tom Hanks earned $70 million for Forrest Gump? Gotta wonder if that includes Bubba Gump royalties.)
  • I love Michael's conspiracy theories more than anything else on this planet. I need my uncle to guest host one week.

I'm really gonna try to make this a weekly habit again, y'all. Please share, and thanks for listening!

 

LDooL 7 – Sun's Out, Guns Out (24 Fancast)

A couple things right off the top: Ira Gaines is one of the best villains of all-time. While we obviously want Jack to succeed in stopping the assassination of David Palmer and rescuing his family, we're starting to realize that he destroy our new man-crush, Ira. Also, everyone comes dangerously close to competence in this episode, yet fall blessedly short. 'Cept for our boy Ira, obviously...that guy is cool as a cucumber.

Also, we find out who the mole is. You'll be just as shocked as we were. Well, not Curtis. He nailed it.

On a serious note (and TW: sexual assault) – if anyone is watching the show along with us, you'll notice we don't talk about a few scenes. While that's partially because we recorded for 95 minutes and didn't want to subject you to that, it's also because 24 has taken us – and its characters – to some shitty places. This show has used sexual assault in its narrative a few times already, and we decided to cut two scenes from our discussion: 1) a discussion between David Palmer and his daughter Nicole, just because it was a really shitty scene. It was just bad, y'all. 2) there's a scene at the end of the show in which – to cover up their plot to escape – Kim pulls our resident dipshit Rick on top of her and pretends she's being raped when another guard walks in. It fucking sucked, y'all, and the portion we cut was mostly just me yelling about that. So, we didn't consciously avoid talking about those topics on the show, but it's a massive bummer to see this shit in a show we love.

Love,
Cush

TILP 12 - Danger Little Sweetmeat Jones

Folks, welcome to episode 12 of Trends in Low Places. We decided to take a slightly different approach in this episode. Rather than analytically breaking down insightful, meaningful news stories...well, we just decided we'd goof on them until they were exhausted of all goof potential. We talk about smart condoms, the best worst baby names of all time, Peeps Oreo and Elon Musk's plan to eject all of his rivals into the deep, inky blackness of space. Standard fare. Also, I taught Michael a fun new word.

While you listen, I'd like to provide a critical breakdown of the path to this episode. As I mentioned on the show, I learned about Peeps Oreo at the end of last week (we record on Sunday nights). More importantly, I learned that the Nabisco food wizards had concocted a snack that not only delivered joy: it also turned your goddamn poop pink.  So, I instantly realized I had to put my bowels to the test. Here's a timeline of the events that followed, on Sunday:

1 pm: Decide, irrevocably, that it's in everyone's best interest that I eat an entire box of Peeps Oreo.
2 pm: Travel to Target; acquire Peeps Oreo.
2:07 pm: Taste first Peeps Oreo, become subtly inured to their rancid charm. Stockholm Syndrome sets in.
3:24 pm: Half the sleeve is gone. Delirium has set in. You've begun simply licking the gritty pink Peeps creme off the golden cookie slices. The tray is half-full of discarded cookie bullshit because you're living that "low-carb life." You've consumed 700g of sugar in the last hour, nearly as much as the last two years combined. Your life is coming off the rails.
4:57 pm: The sleeve of Oreos, much like your soul, is empty but for shitty golden crumbs. You pray for the only release imaginable and interesting: pink poop.
5:42 pm: Your host says he's 10 minutes from recording time; you pound some fiber and hit the porcelain. To your dismay, there's nothing special.
6 pm: You record an incredible, frankly hilarious podcast. In the back of your mind, you feel failure; betrayal from your own body. You blame yourself for not matching BuzzFeed's citizen journalists.
4 am: You wake up, immensely dehydrated and heart racing. Your limbs barely function. Apparently consuming more sugar in 2 hours than you have in 2 years has a deleterious effect on your body.
5:27 am: Still awake, wondering where the fuck that pink dye went.
6 am: Your dog farts in your face, waking you up from restless slumber.
7:21 am: Awaken from a dreamless sleep, unsure if you ever ate a Peeps Oreo. Having no proof to the contrary, assume that Peeps never existed and Jesus remains in the ground, unrisen and full of sugary goodness.

Oh, we also talk about USB-chargeable condoms and really dumb baby names.

Love,
Cush

LDooL 6 – Find a Hole and Figure It Out

Want to hear the sound of a man breaking under the weight of his drunk friends' shenanigans? Well, take an hour and listen to the boys slowly erode my will to live. We spend more time talking about Tom Hank's horseshit choice to play Sully than talking about Kim Bauer.

This is honestly one of my favorite things we've ever done, and guys – it gets pretty dang wild. Please enjoy the latest in our 24 fancast, Hour 6: Find a Hole and Figure It Out.

Also, there is absolutely no shame in loving The Bachelor and I don't want your hatemail (I do, hit us up at the email address).
 

Love, Cush

LDooL 24 Podcast 5 – A Dan's Purpose

Every season of the hit show 24 has a few stinkers – this ain't one. Sure, it may start in a grimy hospital at 4 am with Teri aimlessly shouting, "Hello?" at a nurse who couldn't care less. But it ends with a literal bang. And then a thud. And then more Kim screaming.

There continues to be some disagreement between the boys about Jack Bauer's managerial style. Michael and Curtis maintain Jack is simply doing whatever it takes to stop a terrorist plot; I posit that Jack Bauer is merely a highly trained, murderous Michael Scott who can afford a larger TV. Please follow along and tell me I'm wrong. I'll wait. 

Love,

Cush

TILP 10 – That Girl Is Poison

Wowzers, y'all - there is a lot to talk about in this one. First, thanks to everyone who got us to episode ten (and almost to 700 dang downloads!), we really had no idea what to expect with the show, but y'all are awesome. Now, let's get to some housekeeping. We had to record this episode twice because of some pretty serious audio issues when we tried to record in person, soooo some things got a bit hairy.

First, on the accidental assassination of Kim Jong-nam, the NY Times fake news'd some brand new information on the case, and it is even more bonkers than we thought.

Second, lest I fully besmirch my sister's good name (more than all the condom make-up talk) and historical knowledge, any incorrect claims I made about people claiming that THE ENTIRETY OF HUMAN HISTORY is a fiction created by Jesuit priests are all my fault, not hers. Also, you heard it hear first: Dan Brown's next book will be titled Phantoms, Yo.

Finally, get a load of these fucking idiots running animal escape drills. Literally the least effective corporate training ever conceived.

Love,
Cush

TILP 9 & 9.5 - TechnoBuddha and John Wick's Good Murder

Welcome back to Trends in Low Places...this one is a real humdinger,  y'all. Since it's Valentine's Day, we get...well, we get pretty dang horny. We're talking condoms on your goddamn head horny. Also, I get very upset about an old man bragging about how much beer he's consumed. I don't care how great your generation, if you're paying $0.03 for a pint I'm not impressed.

There are few things in life I could talk positively about for more than 5 minutes, but John Wick is one of them. John Wick: Chapter 2 is another. Michael, Curtis and I got drunk in Chicago and went to see Keanu Reeves' murder ballet last week. Rather than taking a quarter of TILP X to extol the virtues of Mr. Wicks's good good murder, Michael and I drunkenly proclaim our love for the best action franchise going. Check it. Also, when you're done listening to us, check out the Movies With Mikey breakdown of the first John Wick. It's honestly one of my favorite YouTube series, and I think you'll enjoy it.

Love,

Cush

LDooL 24 Podcast – A Glass of Danger Juice

Y'all, we get threats every day with our orange juice. That threat is the vodka we pour into our orange juice. For hour 4, we triumphantly return after Curtis' paternity leave to a thoroughly average episode of 24.

Curtis, our resident n00b, has begun to express concerns that Jack lacks the murderous prowess necessary to stop the assassination plot against Senator David Palmer and save his dumb daughter, Kim. If you, like him, have begun to doubt Jack then I suggest you buckle up, lest Jack punch you in the tummy on his way to do murder. Please enjoy episode 4 of Longest Days of Our Lives.

Love,
Cush

TILP 8 – Fine Corn Cannibals

Well, did everyone enjoy the Big Game? My new adopted town really loved the first half, and that dope Lady Gaga shit. And then we all blacked out. This week is a real doozy, folks. We talk boycotts, we talk online dating, we talk shoving condoms up your nose. All the horny subjects you've come to expect.

Also, where do wizards make all that poop go?

And if you absolutely must – and I really wish you wouldn't – take a moment to indulge Michael and vote for the official name of the semi-official Michael Cushing Fan Club (and, per the episode, please be aware I am a terrible target of affection).

Love,
Cush
 

Please understand how uncomfortable your vote makes me. If you simply had to choose a name for a Mike Cushing fan club, what would you choose:
Cushazoids
Cushballs
Cusheteers
Cush Squad
survey

TILP 7 – They Don't Stop Coming

Ever wanted to punch a Nazi? Well, apparently you're not alone – we dig into whether or not it's OK to fight Nazis with literal punching, just immediately after we take a quick detour back to Smash Mouth. For you, the fans.

We're really excited to be back for week 7, and I gotta tell you – Michael battled through violent tummy issues and turned this episode into a good one. You're welcome for his hard, hard work.

Also, if you're a founding member of the Michael Cushing Haters Club, you can send us your ragemail at goodbuddymedia[at]gmail[dot]com. Please don't be too mean. Unless you're also funny, then fire away.

Love,
Cush

Longest Days of Our Lives Update

Well folks, our intrepid 24-newbie Curtis and his wife decided to throw a wrench in the ol' podcast works by bringing a sweet baby boy into the world. Our LDooL schedule might take a temporary hit while Curtis enjoys paternity leave.

In the meantime, let's all get FUCKING PUMPED for 24: Legacy on Fox after the Super B– uh, Big Game. By all accounts, it's even more bananas than the original Jack Bauer series, and I have to say, we absolutely cannot wait.

Sit tight, and we'll be back with more 24 soon!

Love,
Cush

TILP 6 – All Star, but with an Extra Bone

Folks, this was a fun one. Coming off the election, it was incredible to see and join the Women's Marches around the US (and the world). We talk through that and what it means following a Trump inauguration, and then we get into a pretty serious palate cleanser: a YouTube black hole full of Smash Mouth.

So, before we address the meat of this episode I want to assure everyone that I'm not a complete and utter moron. When you reach 42:15, you'll know what I'm talking about. We talk about a lot of dumb shit on this episode: plane porn, gigantic penises, lemonade around the world and lots more. But literally nothing is dumber and more fantastic than YouTube's obsession with All Star, by Smash Mouth. Please...enjoy a few of our favorites. (We're so, so sorry.)

LDooL 3 - Everything's Copa

Welcome back to everyone's favorite 24 podcast, The Longest Days of Our Lives. It's now 2 a.m. on the day of the California presidential primary, and Jack's gotta figure out what to do with the severed thumb he's carrying around. Things. Get. Messy.
 

This one was a fun one. We were joined by our first guest, our good friend Oded, to really dig into the meat of the episode. One of my now-favorite recurring bits of this show is becoming Michael digging into the very shitty early 2000s music playing through the background of this show. The gems he uncovers through his dark works always deliver joy and massive insight.

Also, if you're curious about the effects of heroin - we've got you covered.

Enjoy folks.

Love,
Cush

 

TILP 5 - Snake Plisskengate

Hey folks, welcome back to Trends in Low Places! This week, we decided to try something new and do this thing sober - the results are shocking. We talk urinal buddies, take a completely unrelated path through Trump's inauguration and go DEEP on Sina Weibo. Clowns may become involved.

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Welcome to GoodBuddy Media!

Hey folks, we're just getting started here – but we're so excited to have you here. So far, we have two great shows that we're very proud of. We'll be blogging occasionally and sharing our show notes here, so keep an eye out for updates and new shows.

To get started, you can check out Trends In Low Places. It's a current events podcast that explores the most trending topics on your favorite social networks. Once you've wet your whistle on that, catch up with everyone's favorite counter-terrorism agent, Jack Bauer, on The Longest Days of Our Lives.

Thanks everyone, please share any feedback with us!

Love,
Cush